I messed things up with this really handsome sweet nice guy, what should I do?

I really screwed up things with this guy I like with my borderline personality disorder, what should I do? I went out on two dates with him so far and he's so sweet and nice, but I get so scared and have the fear that he's going to abandon me. I told him I'd call him up on sunday after our day we had on saturday, but i got so scared. He texted me asking if I was still wanting to go out but I told him to leave me the F alone! I don't think he liked that. He texted me back asking why i said that. I told him somewhat else texted that to him. I didn't go out with him that night and I think he hates me now. I push people away who I like and get really close to. I can't help it but it's something I can't control. I'd text him telling him that he's stupid and a retard. I later told him we shouldn't see each other anymore and he said to me "adios!" I shouldn't have done that, I texted him back saying that I'm sorry and that I really like him. He told me to get lost. What should I do?